Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Dear God...

...out of the many, many questions I could ask you, let's try this one: Why have you cursed only certain areas of the earth with the most terrifying and dangerous animals and insects? I mean, in comparison with South America, North America has it golden. A scorpion here and there perhaps, a cougar, a bear. But an insect that sucks blood from you while you're sleeping, leaving parasites on your lips to infect your bloodstream? Where have you come up with this, God? A spider a foot wide who could kill you with its bite? You're enjoying a dip in cool water and suddenly your feet are voraciously attacked by a terrifying fish with razor-sharp teeth? A rodent 4 feet long and 2 feet tall? (and I thought we had R.O.U.S.s in NYC...) Why gather all these creatures into specific areas of the earth where all of those people must live in fear-- while other countries sleep at night without the fear of stepping on gargantuan spiders on their way to the bathroom? Not fair, God, not cool.

If I hear anything scurrying around at night, I will be in Sarah's bed like a shot. She better get used to cuddling.

I predict lots of squealing/screaming in South America.


Rebecca said...

The frog is pretty. Can it kill you? Does it spit venom into your eyes? Or sing a siren song, luring you to ponds full of deadly fish and spiders?